I got a locket from my M-I-L two years ago and I loved it. For so many reasons. I was preggers with my baby girl and feeling really depressed and missing my late mom. When I saw the locket in the store, it tugged at my heart so much that I nearly started bawling right there. The inside inscription was "Always in my Heart". It's pretty close to the last words as said to Mom as she lay in the hospital dying. I don't even know if she heard the words by then, but I hope she did because there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss her and regret that my children won't get to know her. Anyway, I put a pic of her on one side of the locket and one of me and my fam in the other. I wore it every time I went out. The kids like to tug on it, esp. the baby, who tries to suck on it. Well since it was costume, the metal started corroding and when I opened it a few days ago, the hinge broke and the two halves of my heart broke loose. I guess its a metaphor for what's going on inside me.
Someone I love dearly is battling a severe illness. I went to see her and it hurt so badly to see such a strong women so diminished. She can no longer care for herself and I don't even know if she knows who I am. I hold her hand and tell her to fight. I tell her not to give up. I tell her that I love her and I'm praying for her. I battle with the fear that yet again I will face the loss of someone I care about. I don't want to go through the agonizingly slow goodbye. I don't want the goodbye at all. I want her to get better and be able to hold my kids again. I want to hear her voice again, even if it's only to complain about something. Seeing her like this makes me grieve for those that I lost before, and fear for her future. I hate feeling helpless.
I hope that no matter how things go, she somehow knows that she matters to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment